Jeanine M.
Swenson, MD, FAAP, FACC, LMFT
Pediatrician,
Pediatric Cardiologist, and Family and Systems Psychotherapist
This parenting journey is certainly an interesting series of
changes for both children and parents.
One of the more nerve-wracking transitions for parents as children grow
and approach the teenage years can be the area of relationships. Even mentioning “birds & bees” can make
many parents sweat. Naturally we want to
make sure that our teenagers enter the real world with the “big present of
love” – information and lessons regarding health, safety, respect, nonviolent
conflict resolution, emotional intelligence, relationships, and their
bodies. One of the harder parts of this
mission is imparting this message gradually when teens are developmentally
ready and in the best place to hear our caring and concern. Rather than a single event where we sit down
and give kids “the talk,” a series of discussions, when kids are ready, may be
a more fruitful and rewarding process.
Our schools do a fine job of teaching the facts about sexual education.
However, one extra needed ingredient may be the connection of all of this
information with patience, your knowledge of your child, and our guiding beam
of family values.
For many parents, the world today seems very different and
scary from the one we inhabited when growing up in the twentieth century. Media and screen time fills more space for
our children and youth, and much of this entertainment contains more sexualized
and violent content. Esteemed family
therapist Dr. David Walsh calls it a culture of “yes,” where parents are given
the difficult task of saying “no” – the job of balancing instant gratification
with lessons about hard work, safety, consequences, and the real world. Sadly, it seems like an unbalanced tug of war
as media companies have billions of dollars and we are short on time and energy
these days. There seem to be so many
forces out there pushing our children to grow up quickly. We really want to be helpful, but may have
few examples or models to turn to when it comes to these personal
conversations.
A new school year often brings a unique opportunity for
families. We may find renewed energy to think about where we all stand in our
family life. This thoughtfulness allows
us to take stock of current family needs and choose the family life that we want
to live.
Many good families are trying to do their best, but
different times may call for different and new strategies. As the experts on our kids, we hold the
secret when it comes to understanding their personality, learning style,
temperament, and the ways that they are motivated. This relationship and our bond with our
children has proven in countless research studies to be the most important
factor in long-term success. However, we may need new information in this new
century to combat the growing influence of media in our children’s education in
many areas. I encourage you to cultivate
this rich soil.
