Paul Smolen MD FAAP
Semi Retired Pediatrician Charlotte, NC
Founder of the pediatric blog, docsmo.com, Portable Practical Pediatrics
Author of Can Doesn't Mean Should, Essential Knowledge for 21st Century Parents
Let's get started thinking through how parents can manage this technology with their children. As I see it, there are two big questions when it comes to children and digital technologies - “Do I grant access” and, if I do, “When and with what restrictions". To answer these questions, I always like to consider the extremes. By examining the extremes of a decision, I find it easier to make tough decisions.
So first the question, “Do I grant access"? Here the extremes are between total denial of access to digital technology and unrestricted access do as you wish use. Neither of these choices are very satisfying for most parents, so the answer will be somewhere in between. Defining that point will be difficult, and different for every parent, but at least that may offer a starting point.
Assuming you have decided to provide your children with digital technologies, questions arise; at what age, how much, and what other restrictions do you need to impose? If you want to see why parents are currently getting smartphones for their children, at what age they provide them, and what children are doing with them, check out this 2016 Nielsen survey.
According to the survey, the most common age children get a smartphone is between 10-12 years. For me that's way too young but is in keeping with what I see among my patients. Ultimately, every parent needs to decide for themselves about age and restrictions. The best advice I have to offer is what I would do if I were raising children today. So here goes.
Ownership of smart phones- Let's face it, ownership of a smartphone is both expensive and dangerous. I feel that having possession of a smartphone is not for most children. For me, the criteria for ownership is when they have proven to be responsible, tend not to lose things, and have good decision-making skills. You know, when they begin to demonstrate adult-like judgment and have earned your trust. Harsh but true. I feel that before then, having possession of a mobile smart device makes them too susceptible to cyber bullying, sexting, curiosity seeking in dangerous places on the Internet, and interaction with dangerous people. I know this very much goes against the trend I see with children in my community. Check this article entitled "Can You Raise a Teen Today without a Smart Phone", if you think this opinion is too extreme.
Simple cell phones w/out Internet access- Cell phones without online access and limited or no texting ability should be considered for the parent’s convenience and possibly a child's safety. Allowing a child to carry a cell phone does give parents and their children instant access to one another and that can be very helpful.
Online access via desktops, tablets and laptops at home- All screen activities for children should be supervised by parents, including and especially social media sites. We were all taught that keeping secrets was bad when we were young, right? Does that change with online activities? An emphatic no! I find services like Snapchat and Wickr particularly dangerous for children because they are invisible to parents. This type of communication should be forbidden because they preclude adult supervision.
Appropriate online parental controls need to be used with these devices, and most, if not all, computing should be done in a public part of your home. Some of the families I care for turn off Wi-Fi at bedtime, a good idea because many children will wander on the Internet in the middle of the night. Bottom line - when it comes to online activities, there should be no secrets. You as a parent have a right to know how these devices are being used and that your children are safe while using them.
Final thoughts
Thankfully, not all children are susceptible to internet addiction and brain hacking, but sadly, many are. Your best strategy for minimizing the dangers these technologies pose is to limit your children's access to them as much as possible, but probably not altogether. They will need the skills associated with digital technologies for the rest of their lives, as internet communication is part of our world. But they also need to recognize a dangerous technology when they see it. It is up to you, their parents, to help them understand the dangers and make their Internet experiences healthy ones. Discuss the dangers of online communication with your children frequently. Watch what they do carefully even if that leads to some uncomfortable confrontations. And don't forget, to set a good example, never forgetting that you are not immune to internet addiction and brain hacking either.
