Paul Smolen MD FAAP
Semi Retired Pediatrician Charlotte, NC
Founder of the pediatric blog, docsmo.com, Portable Practical Pediatrics
Author of Can Doesn't Mean Should, Essential Knowledge for 21st Century Parents
The world seems to be getting into more and more of a mess; global warming, global political conspiracies, global terrorism, and global threats of nuclear war. Undoubtedly, your children are paying attention to all this chaos and wonder what is happening. They can’t avoid the negativity and hate on 24-hour cable news, on social media, on their ever-present mobile devices, and even at school with bullying, social cliques, and gangs. Not only are children worrying about horrific events they see in the media, but they are also wondering who will protect them, how can they escape from the chaos, and how can the world become a better place?
Your children may ask you “How did the world become so polarized and dangerous?” I think the answer lies deep in our own human nature. In contemporary America, like many places in the world, we are quick to construct barriers between us and people who are different. We choose our friends, schools, neighborhoods, and places of worship to surround ourselves with people like ourselves rather than seeking to meet people from different backgrounds.
There is safety in being with people like ourselves. It’s all so safe and predictable. It’s comfortable… but polarizing. Our ancient tribal instincts may tell us to live this way, but following these instincts leads to demonization of people we don’t know much about and living our lives in fear of strangers. Tribal existence was once the key to our ancestors’ survival, but today it could be the cause of our destruction.
How do we counter and mitigate these destructive forces on our children? Here are three ways to begin that process:
1. By teaching your children to accept and appreciate people who are different. That starts locally, with you and your children - in your homes, schools, neighborhoods, and communities.
2. By making sure that you set a good example for your children. Put aside cynicism and negativity and live a life that is positive and inclusive. Your children should learn that small acts of kindness, volunteering, and openness to people who come from different cultures and backgrounds can be fulfilling and downright refreshing. A parent’s powerful influence on their children depends not on your words but on your behavior.
3. And finally, by working collectively for positive change. Individually we have limited influence, but collectively we are powerful. As Henry Ford eloquently put it, “Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.” The same is true about our lives; by working together we can achieve wonderful things.
Parents who commit themselves to act collectively for causes greater than themselves can enrich their children’s lives immensely. The cause can be the Boy Scouts, the local PTA, an organization to feed the hungry, a religious charity, or anything that serves others. Don’t pass up the opportunity to instill in your children the desire and joy of serving others. And what better time to start than the holidays!
2. By making sure that you set a good example for your children. Put aside cynicism and negativity and live a life that is positive and inclusive. Your children should learn that small acts of kindness, volunteering, and openness to people who come from different cultures and backgrounds can be fulfilling and downright refreshing. A parent’s powerful influence on their children depends not on your words but on your behavior.
3. And finally, by working collectively for positive change. Individually we have limited influence, but collectively we are powerful. As Henry Ford eloquently put it, “Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.” The same is true about our lives; by working together we can achieve wonderful things.
Parents who commit themselves to act collectively for causes greater than themselves can enrich their children’s lives immensely. The cause can be the Boy Scouts, the local PTA, an organization to feed the hungry, a religious charity, or anything that serves others. Don’t pass up the opportunity to instill in your children the desire and joy of serving others. And what better time to start than the holidays!
So this is my 2017 holiday wish for you and your family. Leave your comfort zone and meet and serve people your instincts tell you to avoid, whether your resistance is based on race, socioeconomic background, religion, country of origin, language spoken, sexual orientation. or whatever.
Here are some ideas about how you can help your children counteract the negativity they are witnessing and move toward more understanding and tolerance.
- Limit the negativity they experience by limiting screen time. Whenever possible, turn off the TV.
- When your children view disturbing info, help them understand it. Listen, and give them your perspective.
- Reassure your children that you will protect them with all your power.
- Try taking your children to a church, mosque, or synagogue you and they have never been before.
- If you can afford it, travel, so your family can experience other cultures.
- Talk with your children about their fears and hopes for the future.
Also:
- Volunteer your time to help those that need assistance.
- Socialize with someone unexpected whether that is a coworker or a more incidental acquaintance,
- Be charitable with your money and your time.
- Greet people on the street with respect, especially if they have been marginalized. It’s easy to turn away and look past people in trouble but try not to do that.
Why should you do these things? Because your children are watching and learning and will likely imitate your behavior when they are adults. If we could collectively change our worldview and concentrate on what we have in common with others rather than our differences, we might stop the current spiral of polarization.
- Limit the negativity they experience by limiting screen time. Whenever possible, turn off the TV.
- When your children view disturbing info, help them understand it. Listen, and give them your perspective.
- Reassure your children that you will protect them with all your power.
- Try taking your children to a church, mosque, or synagogue you and they have never been before.
- If you can afford it, travel, so your family can experience other cultures.
- Talk with your children about their fears and hopes for the future.
Also:
- Volunteer your time to help those that need assistance.
- Socialize with someone unexpected whether that is a coworker or a more incidental acquaintance,
- Be charitable with your money and your time.
- Greet people on the street with respect, especially if they have been marginalized. It’s easy to turn away and look past people in trouble but try not to do that.
Why should you do these things? Because your children are watching and learning and will likely imitate your behavior when they are adults. If we could collectively change our worldview and concentrate on what we have in common with others rather than our differences, we might stop the current spiral of polarization.
At the end of the day, the human experience is all the same. We are all looking for acceptance, respect, love, and security. The world desperately needs us to stop segregating ourselves based on our differences and move toward a bigger sense of we. Your tent has plenty of room for members from other tribes. It’s hard to be fearful of people that you know.
